William Doherty believes that in today’s – “cell-phone obsessed, distracted, individualistic, consumer driven, media saturated and work orientated world”, people experience less spark, less intimacy and less focus on the couple relationship. Add to that the modern “child centered” parenting approach and it is evident why some marriages drift into decline over time. Parents become focussed on parent-child rituals, and transfer their devotion onto their children. One day they wake up and wonder where their connection went.
- Are you too busy for your marriage? Between work, raising kids, managing daily life, do you put in the work required to keep your connection alive?
- Have you started taking one another for granted? Special times alone take a back seat, we become habituated to each other and forget that it started with just the two of you, especially when the kids come along.
- Spouses often have different work orientations towards marriage. Although I am generalizing, men seem to think that once the chase is over, they can relax and put working on the relationship on the back burner. Women are confused and wonder where the romance has gone. Wives usually put making the marriage work high on their agenda, until they settle for their husband’s standards and stop trying. This is when marital drift happens.
- Is your “relaxing with each other” time in front of the television, instead of focussing on one on one sharing?
- Are you bringing work home with you? Very often people feel that they need to work in the evenings to cope with their workload. They spend a brief time together, often devoting that time to the kids, and then immediately sit behind their laptops, while their partner goes off of bed.
- Are cell-phones and social media drawing your attention away from your partner? Do you find chatting on social media more interesting than sharing with the person next to you?
We all want to be loved, admired and cared for. If you are committed to your relationship for the long haul, resist all the above things that are pulling you apart, and work on restoring your couple connection.