Energize your Relationship – Have a Conscious Marriage

In the course of a relationship, some of the things that attracted you about your partner can become irritants. Marriages go through dips and peaks, and without realizing it, we focus on negatives and forget about having  a Conscious Relationship.  Here are some tips to energize your relationships:

  • Use I messages if you are experiencing annoyance.  Rather start your sentence with “I would be happy if…….. “Or “I was thinking about bringing this up and do not want to hurt you…….”  Ask for what you need, but in a kind way.
  • After discussing the relevant issues, take a break from the “hot issues” or visit a counsellor who can facilitate the discussion and stop it turning into the same old argument.
  • Have you forgotten about “Date Night” – planning something fun that you would enjoy together – just the two of you?  (Your kids would rather have two happy parents who take some time for themselves)Don’t use this time to argue about old issues – they belong somewhere else.
  • Perhaps listen to your partner’s views on topics that interest both of you – you probably have forgotten how to listen – with your ears, eyes and heart.  Remember what you found interesting about them in the first place.
  • Focus on what attracted you to the person in the beginning.   Remember what sparked the romance.  You are still married to that person – you have just forgotten to notice.
  • Engage in a new activity together – something that you would both enjoy.  Start aerobic walking, purchase some cycles; hire some old movies that you used to enjoy.  Keep it up and you will re-find your best friend.
  • Concentrate on making your partner happy.  Do something that will make him/her happy.  Cook a favourite meal, surprise him by watching the rugby  with him even though it bores you. Watch those old episodes of Downton Abby with her.
  • Everybody has some baggage.  As my mom used to say “Rather stick to the devil you know than the devil you don’t”.  Work out what are serious issues for you, address them – and let go of the issues that are not.
  • Why do you always have to be right?  Does it matter?  – You can decide to be happy to this time.
  • Consult with a professional relationship counsellor.  They are able to be objective – see both sides of the question, and can mediate on most issues.

Sourced from http:goodmenproject.com

Do you suffer from Anxiety?

Most of us, at different times of our lives, experience some anxiety.  It often can be productive, such as anxiety before an important exam, which puts us into high alert, but does not immobilize us.  Anxiety really only becomes a problem when it affects our quality of life.

Here are some tips to control your anxiety and not let it take over your life:

Start by making a list of situations that make you feel ill at ease and which you would prefer to avoid.  Becoming aware of what is causing your anxiety is the first step to reducing it. Write down the bodily sensations that you experience during an anxious episode; e.g. racing heart, insomnia, etc.

Try to figure out what is really bothering you.  Is it some kind of conflict that you are avoiding? Or do you have ridiculous expectations of yourself?

Once you have decided and focused on what is bothering you give yourself permission to feel anxious.  Dwelling on not feeling anxious can make you feel worse.

Make a decision tree, using branches for the good and bad stuff.  The situation may not look as scary as you imagine if you commit something to paper.

Use positive self-talk to move past anxiety.  Go about whatever you are doing until it passes. Practicing Mindfulness helps.  Other techniques to try to diminish anxiety are drawing, painting and varnishing furniture or colouring in for adults (a new craze) crocheting or needlework – these focus the mind, and calm the soul.  If all else fails do something productive and utilize the increased energy while you have it.  At least you will have some tidy drawers!

Try to see some humour in the situation – it will help you cope and may diminish the symptoms.