Enrich your relationship

Are you feeling a bit stuck in your marriage or relationship?

Are you living past each other as you struggle to cope with your stressful life?

Do you wish you could get closer to your partner but it’s just not working?

This is the first in a series of blog posts on ways to enrich your relationship.

Number one – identify the reasons why the relationship may be stressed.  Are the stressors external (finances, family demands) or are they internal (communication, conflict resolution)? Once the stressors have been identified – and you will need to sit down with your partner and discuss – you can start working on them.  External stressors are more easily identifiable – and can play a large part in creating arguments and constant bickering.  Keep the conversation light and collaborative – avoid blaming each other.  It’s a question of saying: “What can we do about this”?

If the stressors are external– financial – partner with your spouse and take ownership of the problem. Do a spreadsheet of your finances, and track where the money is being spent.  Are your expenses realistic – or are you spending more than you are bringing in? You will need to repay the debt at some time, and it will not go away.  Stop waiting for that windfall to pay the debt!  Get real, and make a plan to cut your expenses now – even if it means downsizing in the short term. If your debt is huge, perhaps look at consolidating the debt and create a payment plan.

Other external stressors could be time spent at work, not enough time for family or perhaps the extended family is causing the stress? Be honest with each other and make a plan to create boundaries and manage them. Your intimate marital space is the most important, and you need to protect it.  Remember, it started with just the two of you, committing to a life together, and you need to nurture that core.

More on the relationship space in my next blog……………………………………

Carol Nader

www:carolnadercounselling.co.za

cnaderblog.wordpress.com

 

 

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