Do you feel that you and your spouse/ partner have drifted apart? This is one of the reasons that relationships flounder in today’s fast moving world. Are you drifting in different directions? If so, what can you do to restore your former intimacy?
Your relationship is as important as any other facet of your life, so make time for it, and give it sustained effort – every day. Here are some questions to ask yourself.
- Are you absolutely absorbed by social media, phones and TV? Take time out from social media, and do the old fashioned thing – sit together and communicate. Listen with your ears, eyes and heart. Ban phone and IPad use in the bedroom. It’s the time to be fully present for each other.
- Are you spending quality time together – just the two of you? Dedicate some time and do activities that you enjoy together. Make some time for regular dates.
- Are you spending all your time on your children? Give your children adequate time, but remember that to keep the relationship strong, you need to focus on each other. The kids will be fine – but they need the stability of a family that stays together.
- Do you take your partner for granted? Your family, kids and work are all important. Do you attach the same importance to being fully present for your husband or wife? To feel appreciated your partner needs to feel prioritized and appreciated.
- Do your parents, family and friends support your relationship? Negative outside influences can derail your relationship. Get rid of them.
- Do you display affection to each other? Human touch is so important. Hugs, kisses and holding hands are a very important form of connection. Regular sex needs to happen to maintain intimacy.
- Are you too focused on material things? The best things in life are free, but you can lose them by putting all your focus on “having things”.
- Is your attention on what you can put into the marriage? We form relationships to satisfy our partner’s needs. Whose needs are you focussing on?
- Are you showing your true self to your partner? Share goals, hopes, dreams, desires and fears to build that intimate space.
- Are you concentrating on what makes your partner happy? Connect during the day – either by phone or text, just to let them know that they are in your thoughts. Be kind and respectful.
- Are you so consumed by work that you have to engage with work matters during your free time? Time to question work life and your priorities.
If you are looking for more inspiration, “Take back your Marriage” by William Doherty is a good read.