Are you feeling a bit disconnected from your partner and yearn for more closeness? Making and keeping a date with your partner – often – helps couples to connect. Please remember that you married each other and not the kids. Take some quality time away from the family. The suggestions below are topics you can consider for your dates. Do not get into a conflictual situation. If that happens, shut it down.
Need suggestions? – here are some:
The first conversation is about trust and commitment. Find a quiet and private place to have an honest conversation.
- Where to go: Try an elevated location with a great view. Relax and be open to the conversation
- Talk about commitment – what it means to each of you? Is it just sexual fidelity or is it more about loving unconditionally and cherishing them – even if they have insecurities and quirks? Where do you both draw the line? How is social media affecting us?
- Ask your partner: Can you describe a time when you didn’t feel you trusted me, and what could I have done to fix the situation? What do you need to me to trust me more?
- How do you feel about social media and being connected to a lot of people?
The second conversation is about agreeing how we disagree. Relation conflict is normal and natural but how are you managing it? Some conflicts will never be resolved, and some we have to learn to live with/ What lies beneath the conflict? Discussing this will give you some insight into your partners beliefs and personality>
- Where to go? Again a place where it is quiet and peaceful and you can listen and discuss. Hold hands while you talk to each other.
- Discuss the top three things you argue about. Don’t dwell on the issues themselves. Rather talk about how you can manage conflict when these issues arise.
- Ask your partner: How was conflict handled when you were growing up? What can I do when you are angry? How do you like to make up after a disagreement?
The third conversation is on the controversial subject of finances. Research has shown that financial arguments are one of the top three issues couples fight about. Balancing doing the things you love and creating security for the future is difficult and it is necessary to discuss the meaning of money.
- Where to go: This date should cost little or almost nothing.
- Talk about what money means to each of you? Focus on all you have as opposed to what you don’t have. Don’t dwell on past mistakes made.
- Ask your partner: How do you feel about work now? What will change in the future? How can I help you feel secure when you are worried about money? How can we plan to create security for the future?
The fourth conversation is about Family. We all have them, and we often have different ideas on how they should behave. Don’t let resentment build and try not to criticize your partner’s family and parenting style.
- Find a place that reminds you of a happy time during childhood. If you have this date at home, try to recreate your or your partners favorite dish – or both.
- Discuss the family member who you consider is closest to you. Tell your partner what you love about them. Discuss any boundaries that need to be put in place.
- Talk about your children’s best characteristics? What do they get from you and your partner? What would you like to model?
- Ask your partner: What can we do to deepen the relationships with our family and close friends? What do you love about being a parent with me?
Carol Nader. 2019