We went to the wrong schools!

Did you go to a school that taught relationship skills, or parenting skills, or how to be “good in bed”. schools”?

Some of the most important skills are appreciating other’s perspectives and moving to resolve conflict.   Unfortunately, these are not really taught in schools that focus on reading, writing and arithmetic.  Individuals have different communication styles, and this can often cause misunderstandings – especially when emotional intensity is high!  That’s when power struggles kick in…….

My advice:

Have arguments by all means, but when emotions get intense – ask for a timeout.  You are now incapable of arguing logically.  Calm yourself down.

Ask yourself the next day if the conflict comes from an issue that keeps repeating itself…..

Then:

Find a time and place when you are both calm and intent on problem solving.

Then use this conflict resolution exercise.

1.       Define the issue?  Take time on this – as you need to come to an agreement on what the couple issue is – not your own individual issues.

2.       Once issue is defined and agreed upon…………then

3.       How are we both responsible?……………………………..

4.       Take some responsibility………………………………………………………

5.       How have we tried to solve this issue before?………………..

6.       Brainstorm new ideas.  This is a great process and you can use all sorts of ideas to resolve.

7.       Agree on an idea and put it into place

8.       Check and see if it is working